39 days, 10 hours, and 29
minutes.
40 days (minus one) since
I’ve been veiled.
And the same question still
lingers on people’s lips.
“Howa enti et7agebti leih?”
83489439834 times is the
number of times I’ve been asked that question.
At first, I used to just
hunch my shoulders and smile.
But then someone did not want
to stop there; he went on, “la2 begad, howa enti et7gebti leih?”
And then it hit me.
Howa ana et7agebt leih?
Pictures of brides keep
popping around from nowhere.
Thoughts of, what will I do
when I travel?
Picture of me pre-veil keep
popping around from nowhere, too.
Thoughts of, “I could have
just started wearing more decent clothes. I did not have to cover my hair.”
Howa ana et7agebt leih?
Yes, I did look pretty with
my hair.
Yes, I could have worn
everything I want.
Short dresses. Backless
dresses. Swim suits.
Yes, I would have wanted to
be not veiled on my wedding day, and honeymoon.
And this is exactly why I am
veiled.
I don’t know if I could
actually put into words.
But nothing equals the
happiness, serenity and joy you feel when you win your jihadi battle over
yourself, and give up something to Allah.
I chose to cover myself up
for Allah.
And with this I get to choose
who’s worthy of seeing what.
I am not just a body.
I am not just an object that
men get to look at for their pleasure.
I chose to put my faith on
display rather than my looks.
It’s not just covering your
hair with a piece of cloth.
Veil, is the veil of your
heart.
I am, my veil.
And no,
I don’t answer to the slaves
of Allah on earth.
I answer to their king.
When this kind of nonsense
makes sense to you,
Know that you are ready for
the submission.
Preach.
ReplyDeleteSomeone get her a medal , really well said (from a boy)
ReplyDeleteYou're wonderful..
ReplyDeleteI read your blog from Bee's retweet 3 weeks ago and now I'm veiled. Your blog is the reason I did so, you changed my life. I've been meaning to wear it for 2 years but whenever I made the decision I stepped back for some reason. After reading this I had no second thoughts and I knew it was the right thing to do. Thank you so much, you have no idea how much I needed this.
ReplyDeleteYOU MADE MY ENTIRE LIFE!
ReplyDeleteMASHALLAH MASHALLAH MASHALLAH MASHALLAH.
Rabena yethabettek.
and i don't know what to say, wehyat rabena.
i am so happy. aw happy is an understatement kaman ..
MASHALLAH!
<3
I keep reading this post over and over. Every once in a while I stop by your blog and read it. I was already veiled but I always wondered why, and saw the dresses and how I look good in them and just feel kind of sad. You reminded me of why I did this in the first place, I didn't do it for people to say "di mo2mena" or because I didn't like my hair or anything like that. I did it for Allah, and for me because covering my hair might be the reason I go to Jannah (ya rab kolena).
ReplyDeleteSo thank you reminding me and making me even more determined to wear my hijab proudly.
Beside the fact that this post makes a very good point, your way of writing is just amazing, your words get straight to the heart, well to the brain to process it but you know...
I can't begin to tell you how much I respect you and how much this post gets to me every single time.
thank you so much.
ReplyDeletei can't even seem to find the word to describe what your words mean to me, whoever you are.
may we become friends, in jannah. inshallah.