surprisingly.

you make me want, more.

you make me think. and wonder. and think again.

and it's been a while. 

the ups and downs.

i'd love you because you are you.

because you wake up in the morning and you don't want to get out of bed.
because you'd rather stay in then go out and face the world.
because sometimes it's all too much for you to handle, but you decide to stand up and do it anyway.
because you decide you won't die until you do.
because you are human.

because you smile.

i'd love you. anyway.

with all your atoms and molecules.

i wish you'd love the details that make me, me.
i wish you wouldn't want to change me.

happy birthday, to me.

i've learned that getting closer to allah is the ultimate key for surviving this world.
i've learned that trials are god's way of setting me right back on my path. trials that brought me back to him. trials that are blessings.
i've learned that people will let me down. life will constantly let me down. i will let me down. allah will lift me up.
i've learned to forgive. not necessarily forget. but forgive.
i've learned that although i might have every reason to hate a person, i don't. i won't. because hate only makes you weak. angry.
i've learned that every once in a while, people will surprise me with their kindness. my family and friends are irreplaceable.
i've learned that those who do me wrong are the ones who need my kindness the most.
i've learned that the most precious gift you could give anyone is, duaa.
i still believe in signs.
i still believe in strangers. and the things they can do to you, to change you.
i've proven myself right. i've proven i can do anything if i set my mind to doing it.
i've achieved success.
i've become the strongest person i know of.
i've become the happy person my mum always wanted me to be.
i was inspired. and i tried to inspire.
i've learned to love the difficulties. they shaped me. they made me who i am today. and i like who i am today.
i've changed.
i am proud of me. i am proud of who i were, who i am and who i will be. and at the end of the day, this is what counts.

i am a princess, and my fairytale is yet to happen.

PS:

(twenty.)

you wrote this for me.

"Perfect."

the most merciful, the most forgiving.

and my heart weeps for all the times it spent longing for anything other than you.

for all the life-ly things it sought. 

for all the love wasted. 

my heart weeps.

for all the sins. 

all the things i strive to be.

“Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do.”

—

Apple

the pieces of me.

i am a star fish waiting on shore for the rescuing hands of the sea. 
a serendipity waiting to happen.
a hug at the airport.
a tear.

planet earth.

even though my hands are empty.

literally empty.

i own the world in a prayer. 

things to worry about.

under my skin.

until you see that crease between their eyebrows.
until you see their eyes staring blankly.
until you see their tears, falling.
until you see their color, gone.
until you see them sad.
you will never know what they mean to you.

décédé.

every now and then,
someone leaves.
every now and then.
someone you don't know.
a neighbor.
your grand ma.
every now and then.
your best friend.

soon,
not many would be left.
it gets closer.
reflect upon it.

relive.

i closed my eyes.
trying to take in everything i felt.
trying to engrave in my memory how it's like,
to be happy.